Adventures in miscommunication

Whenever one learns a language, one must be prepared for a certain level of misunderstanding and miscommunication, especially when venturing out into the Bar scene of Berlin, where people, men especially, seem to be more aggressive than usual. Maybe it’s my fault. I am so anxious to practice my German and try out new phrases that perhaps I am sending out the wrong signals? I have since learned, that here in Berlin, it's always the woman that approaches the man at a bar. If a girls not interested in someone, they just don't talk to them. Period. End of sentence. Here, I’ve been trying to be friendly, and if the person I’m talking to happens to be a guy.... no wonder they thinks I’m interested/ available. Which I am not. 

For example:

I went out with another American friend after a movie and as I was picking up our next round of beers I said “Hallo” to the man looking at me. Big Mistake. He followed me back to our table and sat himself down (it's actually not that weird in Germany to share a table with strangers, but whatever). He sits down, and the first thing out of his mouth, in an accent somewhere between German-Drunk and Borat says “You are very sexy.”   Really dude? That’s your opening line? “uh, Danke?” I turn away to talk to my friend, but it doesn’t work. He keeps up with the “romancing” leaving me to resort to what little German slang I know to tell him to leave us alone. I try “Lass uns in ruhe.” Nope. Still there. “Verpiss dich” Nope. So I decide to tell him that I am engaged (which, for the record, I am not, but I happened to be wearing a claddagh ring so I decided to go with it). I decided the best way to say that would be “Ich bin engagiert.” Which yes, does in fact mean “I am engaged” but more in the way that a hooker is already booked/ engaged for the evening. Yep. Instead of telling someone off, I basically told him I was a hooker and to come back later. No wonder he wouldn’t leave! He probably thought the friend I was talking to was my first client of the evening! Sheesh. 

I have since learned to say “Ich bin verlobt.” It usually shuts down all unwanted flirtation. 

Lesson learned.  

Cheers

A little business...

So, since coming to Germany 6 weeks ago, I have done 10 auditions; 3 for houses/ summer festivals, and 7 for agents. I’ve managed to get 3 on board to send me out on auditions whenever they hear of any...and yet I feel like I haven’t done enough. I don’t know what I thought would happen on this first trip, but I know I hoped against hope to walk away with a fest contract in my hot little hand. Crazy right? A Soprano? Getting Work? I know. 

What’s really nuts, is that things are so casual here. In the states, you have one agent, and you usually sign a contract with them to make everything official. Here, immediately after you sing for someone you got feedback and a yes or no vote, but it usually sounds something like “Great! We’ll be in touch when we hear of something.” What? Will you? Really? Is that it? I’m sure you’ve said the same to 1 million other sopranos, what will make you think of me when auditions come across your desk. This business has a tendency to make people a little neurotic, and I am no exception. I keep finding myself asking: Did I do enough? Was there something more I could have done? I mailed over 350 Agents and houses via snail mail, and email, with follow ups, but still, was there something I missed? Some piece of this puzzle that I overlooked? I know this isn’t a science, and has a lot to do with luck, but I believe that luck is when preparedness meets opportunity. Did I prepare enough so that I could be ready for an opportunity? It’s driving me nuts. 

For example; I have given WAY too much thought to an audition that’s 3 days after I’m scheduled to come back. There’s a part of me that’s saying “You have to do every audition that comes up, even if it means couch surfing for a week and spending even more money to do so!” and another, equally as loud part screaming “Do you really thing that one more audition for yet another agent will make or break you? What’s the point of singing for an agent and then immediately boarding a plane home? I think I know what I’m going to do, but this has been a tug of war in my brain for over a week now. 

Fingers crossed that something comes up... soon! I’ll feel pretty stupid if I head back to the states and then get a call about an audition in Germany like the day I land.   

U-bahn Safari!

Fortunately for me, Berlin is full of friends of friends and ex-pats just looking for someone to speak English with. So far, all have turned out to be absolutely awesome people, who I am so glad to now call my friends. It also helps to know some new “locals” as they can  recommend the coolest places. 

Berlin is like Williamsburg, Brooklyn exploded into a patchwork of architecture, art, pretension,and beer. So....I love it. The only thing I DON’T love is the smoking. It makes my eyes burn when you turn a bar into a hot box! Apparently, it’s actually against the Law, but eventually the bartenders get annoyed and start smoking, and that’s the symbol that it’s now ok to just ignore the law....and the possibility of cancer. 

I have started my studies at the Goethe Institute. Being winter, not many students have sighed up, so I ended up in a class by myself. At first, it brought back grade school memories of being in the slow reading group and feeling like an outcast. However, now I get one on one training with a native speaker, ALL in German and focusing on the topics I need to learn best: Auditions, Character, Contract negotiations etc. On top of that, I got a bit of a refund! Best of all possible worlds! 

Though, I think I've hit a wall. Every morning I wake up, think in English, and then I remember “Oh crap. I have to speak a foreign language. I’d better switch gears...” at which point my brain begins to think in Italian. Not helpful! Not only that, but it takes me a few sentences to realize it’s not German! It’s like my brain is a manual car with a sticky clutch and just can’t get my brain into the German gear! Or maybe my car just has 2 gears” 1st: English 2nd: Other. 

My host is REALLY nice, all of my hosts have been. But, I still find myself hiding--literally hiding--in my room and thinking: "Oh God, I have to speak German. What could I possibly be asked? How can I respond? What should I say? How should I say it?” It's all fun and games at the bar (and way easier after a few beers). Any other situation, not so much. And lord help me if a stranger walks up to me on the street with a question out of context! Wie bitte?

And don’t get me started on trying to read in German....my eye sees those supper long compound words and literally throws in the white flag. “Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz” Screw you German! That’s like a run-on scentance with all the spaces left out! All of the sudden, the page looks like its in Chinese! Now, part of that is my fault. I learn better by listening and speaking and imitation and just decided to not focus so much on the reading and writing part. Then again, I only understand you if you speak Hochdeutsch...any slang thrown in there and I am totally thrown off. So basically, when in Germany, I am functionally Illiterate, and I think it’s becoming a problem, and possibly dangerous! That sign there on the door could say: "Emergency Exit," "Entrance," or "Danger! Do not Enter! Nuclear weapons held within!" And I have no clue which it is. I naïvely thought that one could get by being an illiterate 30 year old in Germany, but turns out, reading is important. 

For example, I met a friend at a bar with no name, in the Hipsterest neighborhood in the Hipsterest city in the world. Granted, it was a Thursday night, but I wasn’t out too late (for a New Yorker). I headed back to the U-bahn station a little before midnight. I get to the U-7 and lucky me, there’s the train in the station! I hope on, and some German in a BVG uniform says something like “Sorry, this train is out of service, you have to take the U7 Bus instead.” I look at him terrified and ask “And where is this Bus?” Thinking all the while “great, now I’m in a weird city, in the weirdest part of town at midnight on a Thursday night, and you want me to find a bus back across town?!” The man just pointed at a sign. Curses!  I have no idea what that means!!! 

I run upstairs to the square and look around- Bus! Dead ahead! I jay-walk/run to the bus and ask if this is the bus to Nollendorfplatz. Nein. I’m on the wrong side of the street, my bus is across the square. And there it is, waiting there. I dash across the square thinking “No way will I be standing out here waiting for the next one!” I make the bus and even find a seat, despite the burning glares from the locals at having jay walked, twice. 

I’m sorry, It’s midnight, I want to get to bed and I’ll be dammed if I miss a bus because I was waiting for the “Walk” sign. But now that I’m on this Bus, driving along the U7 line, I start to get nervous. What about my next transfer to the U2? Is that running too? Or do I have to wait for ANOTHER bss? So I ask the person next to me (by the way, I’m doing this all in German, I promise) and he says, “Oh something something U7 but the U2 is running.” 

What? What’s going on?! Why would one subway line run, but not the other? Just as I’m starting to sweat a little, the man sitting next to me wipes out a vile of a roll-on perfume oil AND PERFUMES MY HAND!! WHAT!!! Not only that, it is the nastiest smelling perfume I had ever smelt. It burned my eyes and my nostrils and smelled mostly of grain alcohol and the concentrated juices of a million rotted lilies. Who does that! If we had been in the US, I guarantee you I would have given him a verbal thrashing to make his ears bleed, from years of experience living in New York City, and growing up in Philadelphia. 

But, being that I was trying to speak in German, I just rubbed it of and said “Entschuldigen, das ist nicht so meins/ Excuse me, that’s not really to my taste.” Who am I! Many of you know me, when have I ever, EVER been passive after being accosted by a stranger?! Just yesterday I cursed off a begging gypsy because she made the mistake of approaching me in Italian. So....somehow, in German I am submissive? I’m an American God Damn it! I want, what I want, when I want it, and if you make me wait for it, I'll sue! 

Anyway, I made it home...eventually. It only took an HOUR AND A HALF! On the walk home from the subway, I felt like Pepe le Pew from the old Looney Tunes cartoons, where everything just dies as he walks by. The perfume stunk up my room too. I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed but the smell wouldn’t go away. It was so bad. I even had the thought “Mmmm....this sort of burns like a Jellyfish sting....and I remember seeing on an episode of Friends that you’re supposed to pee on a Jellyfish sting...maybe if I pee on my hand, the smell will go away....I mean....urine is sterile...could it possibly make it any worse?” I can thankfully report it did NOT come to that and eventually the smell faded. I can report that I slept with one glove on to try and separate the stench from my nose. Ugh! 

So to sum up: On an ordinary Thursday, I went to a bar with no name with 2 Fulbright scholars speaking in German/ English, ordering beers from the bartender in Italian, had an adventure on the subway and was Skunk bombed and slept with a glove on after legitimately contemplating peeing on my own hand. Yep. I’m keepin’ it classy! 

More to love/not love

Greetings from cold and snowy Berlin

I would like to add to the like/don't like list:

Since I've been here I've noticed this smell of smoke in the air. I thought it was just because everyone here smoked (ew) but there's more too it than that. Tuns out, a lot of places are still heated with individual coal burning furriness in each room. So that means every morning, you clean out the ashes, load it up with coal and firewood and light your heater. I love it! If it was good enough for Mozart, it's good enough for me! 

As of this moment, the novelty hasn't worn off. I am sure I'll live to regret it, but I think it's kinda cute to have my very one carbon monoxide emitting lung cancer machine right next to my bed! 

Things I DO NOT like...no dryers. I know, it's better to line dry your clothes, but when its 32 degrees outside, nothing's ever really dry, and always a little crispy. At first I thought I'd done something wrong.... but both times I've done laundry has been under the supervision of a local host, still, crispy clothes. I miss the fluffiness you get from popping towels in the dryer on a cold day. Sigh

I've also been having strange cavings for american things I took for granted like: Cheerios, Steel cut Oats & peanut butter. Yes, there is peanut butter here....but it's just not the same, AND it's supper expensive? What do kids eat for lunch if they're not eating PB&J? Nutella? I might have to go on a Cheerios hunt...I've heard of a few stores with "American" sections.

bis später!

Ich glaube ich kann....

Ya know...I think I just might actually be able to speak this language. I’m no where near perfect, but maybe I should be a little more confident. Yesterday I had an audition in a tiny tiny town in Germany. It turned out to be a rather well respected summer festival (who knew?). I was able to not only conduct my audition in German, but make small talk, and poke fun at myself too. It went something like this:

Director: If we cast you as Clorinda, you’re too pretty! Don Ramio would pick you over Cinderella! 

Me: Oh no sir. I can be really ugly if I want to (makes funny face) and I sang this piece over 200 times in the states.

Director: 200 times?

Me: Yes. For kids. We went from school to school and sang Cinderella for kids across the country, and I promise you, give me a “unibrow” and a mustache like a hairy old sicilian woman and I’m super ugly.   

Director: (Hysterical laughter) 

Me: Sorry, I don’t know that word in german, Unibrow? Hair here, between the eyes. 

(Laughs all around)

Me: I also make a really ugly old lady. I was Berta at Opera Colorado and I promise you, I was supper ugly. There’s a picture of this on my website. 

Director: Ach so! 

Me: Yes sir! With the right makeup and a funny walk, I promise Don Ramiro will go for Cinderella. 

Ok, maybe it wasn’t actually that smooth auf Deutsch, but I got my points across. We also chatted about how pretty it was there, that I am outdoorsy, and want to see the local castle, where I’m studying Germany, how long I’ve studied German and on and on and on. If I get this gig- awesome. If not, who cares! For the first time ever I don’t feel petrified about talking! I am so happy to know that I can make decent small talk in German. Though, I think I might be funnier in German....weird. 

(A snowy morning here in Berlin)

Now I have a few days to catch my breath, here in Berlin, hopefully have a lesson and coaching before I start classes at the Goethe Institute :-) Oh, and another audition over the weekend....back in Munich. Never a dull moment!  

I’ve started a list of things I like/ don’t like about Germany. So far it looks like this:

Things I like about Germany

1. Döner & Dürüm. Cheap, somewhat healthy tastiness. 
2. That it’s totally normal to stop at 3pm for a Cafe & Kuchen. Who needs a real lunch when there’s caffein and sugar? 
3. The bread here is AMAZING! Really dense, but just what I want on a cold cold day. 
4. English borrowings: Kein Stress baby! 
5. Reliable public Transit
6. Beer- it is delicious, and completely acceptable to drink whnever and wherever you want. Wanna take that beer on the subway? Kein Stress, it’s your Wegbier. A little hungover? You better have a Breakfast-beer. 
7. No preservatives in my food. Living “high fructose corn syrup” free feels amazing.
8. Beer- it is cheaper than water. 
9. Trying to speak to other foreiners in German....when they barley speak german themselves. Hilarious! 
10. Watching the Simpsons & Family Guy in German. Ausgezeichnet. 
11. Schlager. Say what you will, these songs are catchy as hell and I love a room of drunks arm in arm singing along with strangers to silly songs that make no sense i.e. There is a horse int he hallway ein Pferd auf dem Flur

Things I do NOT like about Germany

1. The toilets. They are practically waterless...so they are extra stinky. Think your sh*t doesn’t stink? Think again! 
2. Germans, you should really eat your vegetables. No. Really. I want to eat more vegetables & hippie food. 
3. No mexican restaurants :-( Sigh. Mama Mexico will be my first stop in NYC. I want to dive into a swimming pool of guacamole. 

Tschüß- I've got music to learn! 

Fasching!

Greetings from Düsseldorf am Rhein im Regen

Obviously, I am having a horrible time here in Germany for Fasching. It's like Halloween & Mardi Gras had a baby and went for a swim in a sea of beer with an Ompa-pa band playing in the background. It's my kind of holiday: Costumes, Music, Singing, & Revelry in the streets. 

King and Queen of Fasching 

My favorite costumes, by far:

Mom was Princess Leia. Winning! 

Ok, I had a nice little vacation here, & catching up with old Friends. Now back to work. Tomorrow, lot's of traveling & another audition. 

I cannot WAIT to get to Berlin, and have a home base for a solid month. Though I will miss my friends here in D-dorf. Onward and upward! 

Züge, Flüge und S-Bahnen

3 days. 4 auditions. 4 different cities.

8 trains, 1 plane, countless subways/ busses and trollies. All made possible by my Eurail pass! Best investment ever! I know it’s probably cheaper to use http://www.mitfahrgelegenheit.de/ (a german car sharing website) but I am a woman, getting into a stranger’s car sounds like a rape case waiting to happen. 

All of these auditions were for different agents, all auf Deutsch, thank you very much, and all very different. The fist one was fake, and by fake, I had been warned about this guy, since he charges so much to hear singers, he may not actually be a real agent. Yep. A long time ago, someone decided that it was really cool to fleece young singers trying to get a start in this mean old biz of show. Most auditions for agents do charge something to rent the room, or pay the pianist, but when its more then €20 and I get a little suspicious. But, I need all the practice I can get with this German dialogue, and German arias. So  right now, as a beginner, an inappropriately high audition fee here and there is worth it.


For my auditions, I usually start with Quando men vo (short, sweet, sassy and too the point!) and usually they ask for one of my german pieces, either Nun eilt herbei or Gretel. I love singing Nun eilt herbei, but in the states, no one ever asks for it! So walking away from an audition singing that, my starter and a Mozart piece feels AWESOME! So far, one of the agents I've sang for this week liked me enough to want to send me on auditions this fall. So far so good! Looks like I'll be gearing up for round two before you know it.

For the next few days I am staying with a good friend from College outside of Düsseldorf, and have already had the change to experience Fasching (German Mardi Gras Festival). Now, when I was in Munich, my host had told me about this....and it’s not that I didn’t believe her it’s that I didn’t believe that I was understanding/ translating her correctly. I was. 

Before my last audition in Düsseldorf, I was killing some time in a cafe watching a bunch of drunk Germans in the lobby of a movie theater. It was some kind of Fasching party, where they were giving away free beer. Free, German beer. Oh, did I mention that it was free? I was strong, and sipped a cappuccino instead. I was watching this display, trying to understand what was happening. I am learning that no one here really speaks Hochdeutsch. No one. They use words that are NEVER covered in school. This being a casual affair, most of the German was some kind of dialect that I didn’t understand. So I’m watching this display, as a crowd of people yell “Hallau! Hallau! Hallau!” wondering what to make of all this, when an old woman HITS ME ON THE HEAD! Hard! I guess I insulted her by not participating. I excused myself, explaining that this is my first time in Düsseldorf, and she said “You have to cheer!” This is Germany, after all, you do what you are told! So I cheer, and then ask what is going on. Well, since it’s Fasching, this is a club, and this is hosted by the King and Queen of this particular Fasching club (just like Mardi Gras, but with more beer). 


When she found out that I was from the USA, she said that Thursday I had to go to the town center to watch the jester take over the town hall (though my ex-pat friend tells me it’s like watching bad community theater, in German). Apparently, the Thursday before Ash Wednesday, women get dressed up and cut off men’s ties. Like I could walk up to you on the street with a scissors in my hand and cut the tie off of a complete stranger. My host in Munich had told me the same story, but it was easier to understand the Düsseldorf dialect. Fasching. Who knew? My German teacher tells me that these next few days are just non- stop drinking and parades. I’m glad I’m staying with an ex-pat local this weekend who can explain it all to me and keep me safe! 

In other news. This soprano has out lasted her suitcase :-( It looks like it had a fight with a deli slicer, and lost. 

Thankfully, there’s a TJ Max around the corner and I am now sporting a slick new heavy duty suitcase with GIANT wheels, suited for European cobblestone streets. Take THAT! 

Next stop: Berlin!