Ich glaube ich kann....

Ya know...I think I just might actually be able to speak this language. I’m no where near perfect, but maybe I should be a little more confident. Yesterday I had an audition in a tiny tiny town in Germany. It turned out to be a rather well respected summer festival (who knew?). I was able to not only conduct my audition in German, but make small talk, and poke fun at myself too. It went something like this:

Director: If we cast you as Clorinda, you’re too pretty! Don Ramio would pick you over Cinderella! 

Me: Oh no sir. I can be really ugly if I want to (makes funny face) and I sang this piece over 200 times in the states.

Director: 200 times?

Me: Yes. For kids. We went from school to school and sang Cinderella for kids across the country, and I promise you, give me a “unibrow” and a mustache like a hairy old sicilian woman and I’m super ugly.   

Director: (Hysterical laughter) 

Me: Sorry, I don’t know that word in german, Unibrow? Hair here, between the eyes. 

(Laughs all around)

Me: I also make a really ugly old lady. I was Berta at Opera Colorado and I promise you, I was supper ugly. There’s a picture of this on my website. 

Director: Ach so! 

Me: Yes sir! With the right makeup and a funny walk, I promise Don Ramiro will go for Cinderella. 

Ok, maybe it wasn’t actually that smooth auf Deutsch, but I got my points across. We also chatted about how pretty it was there, that I am outdoorsy, and want to see the local castle, where I’m studying Germany, how long I’ve studied German and on and on and on. If I get this gig- awesome. If not, who cares! For the first time ever I don’t feel petrified about talking! I am so happy to know that I can make decent small talk in German. Though, I think I might be funnier in German....weird. 

(A snowy morning here in Berlin)

Now I have a few days to catch my breath, here in Berlin, hopefully have a lesson and coaching before I start classes at the Goethe Institute :-) Oh, and another audition over the weekend....back in Munich. Never a dull moment!  

I’ve started a list of things I like/ don’t like about Germany. So far it looks like this:

Things I like about Germany

1. Döner & Dürüm. Cheap, somewhat healthy tastiness. 
2. That it’s totally normal to stop at 3pm for a Cafe & Kuchen. Who needs a real lunch when there’s caffein and sugar? 
3. The bread here is AMAZING! Really dense, but just what I want on a cold cold day. 
4. English borrowings: Kein Stress baby! 
5. Reliable public Transit
6. Beer- it is delicious, and completely acceptable to drink whnever and wherever you want. Wanna take that beer on the subway? Kein Stress, it’s your Wegbier. A little hungover? You better have a Breakfast-beer. 
7. No preservatives in my food. Living “high fructose corn syrup” free feels amazing.
8. Beer- it is cheaper than water. 
9. Trying to speak to other foreiners in German....when they barley speak german themselves. Hilarious! 
10. Watching the Simpsons & Family Guy in German. Ausgezeichnet. 
11. Schlager. Say what you will, these songs are catchy as hell and I love a room of drunks arm in arm singing along with strangers to silly songs that make no sense i.e. There is a horse int he hallway ein Pferd auf dem Flur

Things I do NOT like about Germany

1. The toilets. They are practically waterless...so they are extra stinky. Think your sh*t doesn’t stink? Think again! 
2. Germans, you should really eat your vegetables. No. Really. I want to eat more vegetables & hippie food. 
3. No mexican restaurants :-( Sigh. Mama Mexico will be my first stop in NYC. I want to dive into a swimming pool of guacamole. 

Tschüß- I've got music to learn! 

Fasching!

Greetings from Düsseldorf am Rhein im Regen

Obviously, I am having a horrible time here in Germany for Fasching. It's like Halloween & Mardi Gras had a baby and went for a swim in a sea of beer with an Ompa-pa band playing in the background. It's my kind of holiday: Costumes, Music, Singing, & Revelry in the streets. 

King and Queen of Fasching 

My favorite costumes, by far:

Mom was Princess Leia. Winning! 

Ok, I had a nice little vacation here, & catching up with old Friends. Now back to work. Tomorrow, lot's of traveling & another audition. 

I cannot WAIT to get to Berlin, and have a home base for a solid month. Though I will miss my friends here in D-dorf. Onward and upward! 

Züge, Flüge und S-Bahnen

3 days. 4 auditions. 4 different cities.

8 trains, 1 plane, countless subways/ busses and trollies. All made possible by my Eurail pass! Best investment ever! I know it’s probably cheaper to use http://www.mitfahrgelegenheit.de/ (a german car sharing website) but I am a woman, getting into a stranger’s car sounds like a rape case waiting to happen. 

All of these auditions were for different agents, all auf Deutsch, thank you very much, and all very different. The fist one was fake, and by fake, I had been warned about this guy, since he charges so much to hear singers, he may not actually be a real agent. Yep. A long time ago, someone decided that it was really cool to fleece young singers trying to get a start in this mean old biz of show. Most auditions for agents do charge something to rent the room, or pay the pianist, but when its more then €20 and I get a little suspicious. But, I need all the practice I can get with this German dialogue, and German arias. So  right now, as a beginner, an inappropriately high audition fee here and there is worth it.


For my auditions, I usually start with Quando men vo (short, sweet, sassy and too the point!) and usually they ask for one of my german pieces, either Nun eilt herbei or Gretel. I love singing Nun eilt herbei, but in the states, no one ever asks for it! So walking away from an audition singing that, my starter and a Mozart piece feels AWESOME! So far, one of the agents I've sang for this week liked me enough to want to send me on auditions this fall. So far so good! Looks like I'll be gearing up for round two before you know it.

For the next few days I am staying with a good friend from College outside of Düsseldorf, and have already had the change to experience Fasching (German Mardi Gras Festival). Now, when I was in Munich, my host had told me about this....and it’s not that I didn’t believe her it’s that I didn’t believe that I was understanding/ translating her correctly. I was. 

Before my last audition in Düsseldorf, I was killing some time in a cafe watching a bunch of drunk Germans in the lobby of a movie theater. It was some kind of Fasching party, where they were giving away free beer. Free, German beer. Oh, did I mention that it was free? I was strong, and sipped a cappuccino instead. I was watching this display, trying to understand what was happening. I am learning that no one here really speaks Hochdeutsch. No one. They use words that are NEVER covered in school. This being a casual affair, most of the German was some kind of dialect that I didn’t understand. So I’m watching this display, as a crowd of people yell “Hallau! Hallau! Hallau!” wondering what to make of all this, when an old woman HITS ME ON THE HEAD! Hard! I guess I insulted her by not participating. I excused myself, explaining that this is my first time in Düsseldorf, and she said “You have to cheer!” This is Germany, after all, you do what you are told! So I cheer, and then ask what is going on. Well, since it’s Fasching, this is a club, and this is hosted by the King and Queen of this particular Fasching club (just like Mardi Gras, but with more beer). 


When she found out that I was from the USA, she said that Thursday I had to go to the town center to watch the jester take over the town hall (though my ex-pat friend tells me it’s like watching bad community theater, in German). Apparently, the Thursday before Ash Wednesday, women get dressed up and cut off men’s ties. Like I could walk up to you on the street with a scissors in my hand and cut the tie off of a complete stranger. My host in Munich had told me the same story, but it was easier to understand the Düsseldorf dialect. Fasching. Who knew? My German teacher tells me that these next few days are just non- stop drinking and parades. I’m glad I’m staying with an ex-pat local this weekend who can explain it all to me and keep me safe! 

In other news. This soprano has out lasted her suitcase :-( It looks like it had a fight with a deli slicer, and lost. 

Thankfully, there’s a TJ Max around the corner and I am now sporting a slick new heavy duty suitcase with GIANT wheels, suited for European cobblestone streets. Take THAT! 

Next stop: Berlin! 

Ich Tarzan, du Jane.

I made it to Munich safe and sound. Actually, a suburb of Munich where I’m staying with a friend of my German tudor’s uncle. In any other profession, you’d think that weird, but as a wanna-be opera singer I’ve stayed at quite a few strangers, I mean patron’s houses and know how to be the best “leave no trace behind” houseguest. The catch? My host doesn’t speak english. Not. One. Word. She also speaks with a thick bavarian accent, more of a dialect really. Yep. So I really only understand about 1/2 of what she actually says and just assume the rest. She’s really nice and even made dinner for me my first night, which also meant that I had to come up with polite table conversation....in german. It did mean that I got to use all those seemingly useless phrases you learn when in any language class: My name is Donata. I come from the USA. I have one brother. Do you have any brothers or sisters? Do you have any children? This tastes good. You are a good cook. Thank you for your hospitality. When things got more complicated, it reminded me of a scene from David Sedaris’ Me Talk Pretty One Day. An excellent book about his attempt to learn French while in France. He recounts how, despite his best efforts, he is only able to speak like a caveman. I feel the same way. The only way I survived dinner was through pantomime and sound effects. One conversation went something like this:

Host: So what do you usually eat for breakfast?

Me: (at least what I think I said): I like fruits & scrambled eggs. But something is ok.

Host: (long blank stare) I usually eat bread and cheese. 

Me: Yes. That is ok. 

Host: Well, I have to meet my sister to run some errands tomorrow but tomorrow morning I can take you to the supper market. There’s one close by, but its not the good one. What time to you usually get up in the morning? 

Me: (long pause) Perhaps 8 or 9 o’clock. 

Host: Ok. then tomorrow morning around 9 garble garble garble fast bavarian slang. (she picks up the clock that reads 19:23, puts her thumb over the 1) garble garble garble fast bavarian slang.

Me: Good Good. I understand. Excuse me, I am very tired from my journey. Goodnight. 

Host: Good night, sleep tight bla bla bla bavarian, bavarian, bavarian. 

She’s really nice, but I find myself dreading having to make small talk, since its usually at the end of the day or early in the morning (when the last thing I want to do is talk to anyone, let alone in another language). So many awkward pauses! 

Munich is beautiful, Mariannenplatz when the bells all sound is just magical, and there's lots of theater going on. The other night I saw my first “German” production of something. I saw Smetana’s Der Verkaute Braut. Everything was normal and fine...until the second act, where out of nowhere A man walked out dressed as a circus ring master, with a boom box on his shoulder, pulled out a microphone and started to Rap. Yep. That’s what I want in my opera, more rapping. But wait, it got weirder! Dancers came out....and started to breakdance, around a ballerina in a red tutu. Yep, then the orchestra came back in....accompanied by a tap dancer.....but wait, theres more! Then someone dressed as Elvis with a bear mask on and an electric guitar came out and STARTED TO PLAY ALONG WITH THE ORCHESTRA. Yep, I’ve always thought that classical music would be better when ACCOMPANIED BY AN ELECTRIC GUITAR. It was the stuff of nightmares. 

I did have a chance to be a bit of a tourist, and took a little trip to Neuschwanstein (say THAT 5 times fast), the Hofbräuhaus, then the REAL place the locals go to drink, sing, and dance. What a trip! Good things happen from wandering the streets. On the second floor of a restaurant was a crowded little space with an accordion player, a waiter wearing lederhosen and a bunch of drunk germans, arm in arm, swaying side to side and singing along. It was like walking through the looking glass into another world. Thankfully I speak enough german to talk to the locals and ask questions like: So, do you guys REALY wear lederhosen, or is it just a joke on tourists. Apparently, they are fine, hand made and quite expensive. Who knew? I also learned some interesting Bavarian slang. Quite an adventure. 

In business news: I had a chance to work with a really talented coach at the Staatsoper here, and was able to book another audition by phoning and proving that I speak German. I still can’t believe that worked! I'm gearing up for next week: 4 auditions, 4 cities, 3 days. Here we go!! 

Döner! Döner! Döner!

I am shocked, SHOCKED at my ability to get around. I’ve had to find my way to lots of places: auditions, hotels, the Mozarthaus, the Volksoper am Wien, as well as navigating winding streets, S-bahns, U-bahns & U-bahn transfers with ease (knock on wood) and have managed to find my way in a timely fashion. It might be because European cities make more sense to me than urban sprawl, or that I am utterly shameless when it comes to asking strangers directions or questions. It does make me a little nervous to be so conspicuous with my map reading. Every time I take it out, or have to refold it I think “If you were in NYC you’d have been mugged by now.” But the locals I’ve met seem to be more understanding. While none of them would ever start a conversation with you (as evident by my first meal in Berlin where everyone sat alone with their beers in almost complete silence) they seem happy to help a lost tourist.  

While I’ve only been in Europe for a short while, I’ve already done two auditions, though I like to think of them more as “practice” auditions, since they weren’t for Managers, merely little opportunities I found on Yaptracker. Both have been auf Deutsch, and mostly smooth sailing. After all, there are only so many questions/ things said around an audition. Though, in my second audition I was thrown a curve-ball when the director asked what was the last role I sang. I’m sorry sir, that was not one of the options on my study sheet, please try again. After he repeated himself in English, I answered auf Deutsch and we were back on track. 

I still feel like its a miracle that I can communicate and understand anything at all. Most of the time I just feel like I’m speaking gibberish, or like Peter from Family Guy when he thinks he can speak Italian by saying “bapady bupidy.” Most of the time I’m guessing based on inflection and what words I can pick up. Sometimes that works, sometimes that doesn’t. It worked when I heard “bla bla bla warm up room bla bla bla then I’ll bring you to the audition.” Ok. It did not work when I heard “go to the end of the hal bla bla bla up the stairs, 2nd floor, first door on the left.” In that case, when I asked again. The "bla bla bla" was “glass door,” I know it's stupid, but I’m really happy that I can poke fun at myself auf Deutsch and say “Man, one new German word and I don’t understand a thing!” It helps me feel not so alienated. 

I had a similar direction misunderstanding at my first audition, which took place at the Deutsche Oper, which is the largest opera house in Germany.  I found the stage door, no problem, but it was open air and lead to 2 different courtyards. The second had a lone sign pointing to the second courtyard saying “auditions in rehearsal room B.” Ok... but there was no sign saying “this way to rehearsal room B.” Just an empty courtyard with 4 doors. I tried one...realized I had no idea where I was going and asked someone on a smoke break where I needed to go. That someone happened to be the director of the company I was singing for. Nice going Donata. He led me like a little lost lamb to the auditions. I think it worked in my favor, we made small talk, and when I finally went in for my audition he said something like “ah, its my old friend!” Hey, it couldn’t hurt!

My second audition was in Vienna and I wish I had more time to explore this city. I did get to visit the Mozarthaus, which was really neat, but it's still just too cold here to walk around and really see the city. Just to give you an idea of how cold it is, the water in my water bottle had ice chunks in it from my 4 block walk from the subway to my hotel. ICE! 

I also had a chance to see Das Land des Lächelns at the Volksoper Wien. €5 for an Operetta at the place where it was born? Don’t mind if I do! The orchestra was awesome, and it was really interesting to hear how that lilting, Viennese music is supposed to sound, but man what a weird piece, and they didn’t make any cuts...none...at all...every damn ballet was in there. It was a really interesting experience and I wanted to see what would happen after Dein ist mein ganzes Herz: Would the audience demand a repeat ala va, pensiero from Nabucco? Boo the tenor? Nope. Big applause, but nothing special. It was nice to see the audience & orchestra stay in their seats for the bows....not one person moved to get a head start. Nice change from the USA, where everyone bolts as soon as the piece is over. Where are you going people? We just sweated it out on stage for you for 2+ hours, can’t you stay, and say thank you with applause for an extra 10? Sheesh!

Despite the freezing temperatures, Vienna is beautiful. I’ll have to come back when I can. Maybe one day I can drop in on one of their balls-- it is ball season after all. It blows my mind that the Viennese still have parties where they literally waltz the night away a la Die Fledermaus. Going to a Viennese ball is officially added to my bucket list. 

Next stop: Munich. As some of you know, I was the victim of a very clever internet scam and have found myself with no permanent address and a lot poorer. Luckily I have some awesome people in my life who have connected me with enough places too keep a roof over my head for the month of February. In Munich I’m staying with an acquaintance of my German tutor. Apparently she’s an eccentric old lady who speaks no English and has a thick Bavarian accent. Now THIS will be an adventure, but it’s not like I haven’t been a long term house guest with a stranger before! Opera companies in the US do it al the time and you never know what you’ll get, except an awesome story (inside joke: “That’s a duplication”). 

Frankly, after five days of non-stop traveling, packing/unpacking etc, I’m just looking forward to being in one place for six days in a row, doing some laundry, giving my suitcase a rest, and cooking my own food. Sorry, but German food holds zero interest for me, and I tried it, I really did but das ist nichts so meins. Too much meat and potatoes, and not enough veggies and fresh things, but a Döner, now THAT I can get behind! I had my first Döner last night and its just as good as people say it is! I think its’s Greek or Turkish. It’s thinly sliced roasted meat, with veggies, and yogurt sauce served on flatbread and its CHEAP! €3.30 for dinner! Don’t mind if I do! I’m sure its not so healthy, but it's delicious and cheap. If any of you out there have any more ideas on where I can find cheap AND healthy/fresh things to eat here in Germany I’d be much obliged. All I’m craving right now is a big old fresh salad with walnuts, cranberries and blue cheese and maybe an avocado on the side. Do they even have avocados in Germany? It’d be really nice to not have to buy a completely new wardrobe when I get back. 

Happy Super Bowl Sunday!

As most of you will be enjoying the game, eating junk food and drinking beer, I give you this from a German Hotel:

What caption would you give this photo? Leave one in the comment section below. Or if you know what it could possibly mean, please share.

I like "Ve are Germany, Ve even know how you pee!" lol

What could this possibly mean?!?

So enjoy the Super Bowl, and if someone could please send me youtube links of their favorite commercials, I'd be much obliged. Oh, and who won.

Shoes!

I’ve landed safe and sound. I didn’t really get much sleep on the plane, DESPITE being in business class (winning!) So far, traveling in February is awesome. No lines, and lots of discounts. If only it wasn't so cold that my ears felt like falling off!

I can’t believe I’m really in Germany!

My German seems to be ok, especially easy, baby things like ordering a coffee or asking directions. But when it gets more complicated or colorful.....I get a little lost. Or even if I think I understand it, part of my brain says “that can’t be right...”  Like when my host asked me what time I would like breakfast; there is usually a buffet, but since there are only two guests it will be more al a cart. I got that right (he later repeated himself in English) but at the time I just thought “that can’t be right” and gave him a blank stare instead. It’s a nice, clean, cheap hotel in part of an old building. And since most of Europe is experiencing a cold snap, I ended up sleeping in my UK fleece (sorry Tina, Becca et al).


Why do I always come to Europe during an extreme weather event? I was here for the Italian Heat wave of 2003 and, lucky me, I am here during a record breaking cold snap! My dad felt it necessary to let me know that the weather is so extreme that people are dying.  Thanks Dad. Do you think anyone will notice if I wear the same sweater-dress every day until it warms up? I defiantly did not pack warm enough. I brought one pair of long underwear and it is NOT enough. As soon as I get settled somewhere, that’s my next plan- buy warmer clothes


I think the owner of the hotel is insulted that I’m only staying one day.  I feel a little bad since, I’m really just here to audition. He directed me to the Fat Hostess for a good German meal. I gotta admit, it wasn’t nearly as bad as it looked!


I’ve already had my first audition. Finding the building was fine (it was at the Deutsche Oper) but finding the room in the massive Deutsche Oper complex was another matter! Luckily, I ran into the Intendant of my audition outside on a smoke break who guided my butt like a blind woman to where I needed to be (more on that audition in the next post).


Shoes! I mean Tschüs! Tschüs is a friendly way of saying bye, but it sounds like shoes to me, so every time I hear someone say “bye” it sounds to me like they’re saying “Shoes!” Reminds me of a certain viral video of the same name. Shoes.


Next stop, Vienna!